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These tips are gleaned from the experience of first-time parents travelling on long-haul overseas flights to the USA and Europe for 6-8 weeks at a time. We travelled on three occasions, when our son was 6 months, 12 months and 18months of age. Here are some of the challenges we faced and some suggestions we can share. We were fortunate to be travelling on business class for most of the long trips, which was a privilege and a god-send!

Nappy changes

Very difficult on the plane as the change tables are tiny and are positioned side-ways above the toilet. As if the space wasn’t tiny enough, manoeuvring a child and the fumblings of a nappy change is not much fun. Do your best to do a nappy change at the last minute before boarding and when you do a change mid-flight it was useful to have your partner (where available) to stand at the door to hand you things. Only take the bare essentials in with you as space is at a premium. It is tempting to change nappies at your seat, but keep in mind other passengers are all in close quarters. Take plenty of nappies as well as changes of clothes. I had a reflux baby, so had many changes of clothes for him and I, as well as loads of bibs and burp clothes.

Food

if you are breastfeeding, then you have one of the easiest and most portable foods available. I kept up the breastfeeds especially for travel as it was great for settling an overtired child during the flight. (Not something I ever did at home, just for flying). Once solids come into play, be aware that most airlines wont refrigerate food for you. They will give you a bag with some ice but that's it. I took a small cooler bag for a few perishables (some pots of yogurt that had been frozen) and some cooked veges. Other than that I took the best quality commercial food pouches I could find. And only those that I new my son liked. Depending on your destination, you can buy most things you need to either cook your own or buy commercial foods. I did not use the foods provided by the airlines, but they did provide fresh milk when required and basic foods like toast or fresh fruit. As part of a security check in LA I was required to open one of the commercial food pouches and taste it in front of the officer.

In terms of quantity, it pays to take much more than you need just in case you get delayed or arrive late at your destination and do not have any immediate supplies. I planned to feed my son every 4 hrs and had enough to last an extra day if needed. Given he didn’t sleep much, I did use more than I anticipated.

Sleep

We found the plane bassinets useless. They are small, narrow and have a 'seatbelt' in the form of straps that go across the top. Necessary by all means, but they are very close to the child’s face and our son just found them like a toy to play with and poke his dummy through. The bassinets are positioned near the curtain so there is lots of 'traffic' and noise just near the child’s head. And for when my son was 6 months, I felt nervous that the solid sides of the bassinet meant I could not see him from my seat, nor hear him over the sounds of the plane. I was nervous that if I slept I would not hear him when he woke.

Instead, my son slept at the top end of my seat when it was fully reclined and I sat at the foot of the seat. Not ideal for me, but at least he slept for some large blocks of time and I could resettle him easily with a quick pat when he stirred. On other occasions he slept on our laps and even on a blanket on the floor of the airport lounge when we were in transit.

We maintained a regular familiar sleep routine for him, so even when he was in an unfamiliar environment he had the cues that it was sleep time. These ranged from wrapping him and giving him a dummy (when we was younger), to putting on pjs and putting him in his gro-bag and giving him his comforter. I found the muslin sleeping bags best for the flights as they were cool.

Entertainment

We didn’t take much, just a few favourite books, a travel sized etch-a-sketch, a few small cars etc.  but we were resourceful. Paper cups, serviettes rolled into a ball etc become great toys. The in-flight entertainment was great. We did invest in an iPad recently so some downloaded games and shows were great backstops. A few new toys or books, or things that have been deliberately kept out of circulation for a while are good for a novelty factor.

Transit

Despite extensive research online prior to travel, it was not until we arrived at Sydney Airport to check in that we were told that our three-wheeler mountain buggy could not be taken up to the door of the plane. This foiled all our plans to give our son a good nap in the pram prior to boarding. Apparently Sydney is one of the only airports where this is a problem and it is due to baggage handlers. Instead we were provided with a small, dirty and non-reclinable folding stroller to use instead which was no good for sleeping in. Apparently 4-wheeler foldable strollers are OK as they can be stowed in the cabin, but the three-wheelers cannot. On our second trip, based on some sound advice from a Qantas staff member, we purchased a 'Quicksmart' folding stroller that folds up into a backpack and can be taken as cabin luggage. Still no good for sleeping, but great for transiting through those long airport halls. Quite a few on Ebay! LA, Heathrow, Washington, New York and Hong Kong airports all allowed us to take our mountain buggy up to the gate of the aircraft, but it is best not to assume!

Highchairs and cots

We found that hotel cots were all very good, but they rarely had the right sized linen. Instead they folded up a larger sheet to use in the cot. It is best to take a couple of sets of your own cot linen with you and light blankets that are dryer-friendly. We looked into hiring a high-chair and car seat when in the US, but it was very expensive, so instead we borrowed a car-seat from a friend whilst over there (it pays to ask around for such things...) and we bought a $30 portable high-chair booster seat that just straps onto any chair. It folds up small, it is light and It now stays in the boot of the car when we are at home for use in homes or cafes without highchairs. If using taxis in most places, you just have to hold onto your child and hope for the best! It pays to look into car services with infant seats for trips to and from airports etc.

General advice

Although it requires some additional thinking, planning and organising, travelling with an infant is very rewarding. Assume and prepare for the worst case scenarios and you will find that you can face most eventualities calmly. Allow extra time for everything you need to do when actually on the move to ensure you are not feeling rushed or stressed We found it better to get to an airport early and give our son some exploring time rather than be worrying about missing flights and then rushing through a busy airport or train station with heaps of bags and a confused child in tow. You will find it amazing to discover new destinations through the eyes of your child.

This article was written by Rachel from Randwick who is a client of Cradle 2 Kindy Parenting Solutions
All articles on this website have a copyright any the use of any material must have permission from Cradle 2 Kindy Parenting Solutions.

Parents of autumn-winter birthday kids often face a tough choice.

Chances are, you are like me and wondering if your child is ready for school come next January. This decision can be an agonising one as we are often given conflicting and inaccurate information.

Truth to be told is that you are right to be concerned. Research shows that children who enter school but should have stayed back another year have been to shown to:
•    do less well in school
•    develop a dislike for learning
•    experience difficulties interacting with their peers
•    more likely to worry more and feel less comfortable in their environment
•    more likely to suffer from low esteem

Holding back your child another year when they are ready to move can you’re your child bored and de-motivated at Preschool

Don’t send a child to school thinking that they can repeat if they have to. We want the first year of school to be exciting, successful and not just one where the child attempts to ‘cope’ and then has to do it all again. Repeating a child at a later stage has been found to have negative outcomes for the child in terms of their confidence and social skills.

This makes the decision to begin school a very important one to get right.

Deciding whether your child is kindergarten ready is an important parenting issue that is more complex than chronological age or simply being able to recite letters, numbers, shapes and colours. In reality, very few children are equally competent in all these areas, especially boys. Many children who are considered to be bright may experience anxiety and difficulties with socialising with others, while children who are very sociable and aim to please the teacher all the time or sit quietly in class may be slower in terms of language development or/and thinking abilities.

A number of people are able to give you an indication if your child can do all these things or need further assistance to reach these milestones before they start Kindy the following year.

Teachers are one source of feedback about your child’s developmental milestones. This feedback may not always be accurate as it depends on teacher’s level of experience, how much time they spent with their child one-on-one and sometimes a child’s difficulties may be overlooked because of their friendly personality. In my experience when assessing children at a primary school or high school level, many parents reported that their child’s difficulties were first noted very early on in their education but they and the child teacher hoped that the child will grow out of it or just put it down to their child being different.

Health practioners such as Educational Psychologists are another source of feedback as to your child’s ability to fit in socially, emotionally and academically into school. A two hour consultation is all it takes to assess your child’s ability to keep up with the work, work independently and have the emotional maturity to cope with such a big change.

Psychologist will be able to provide you with a comprehensive report and recommendation as to how you can support your child’s learning, their strengths and areas of development that you and the teacher can address before you child starts school. Assessment usually takes several hours and could make a difference between a happy child who enjoys all aspects of school or a child that could struggle academically, possibly become anxious, experience behavioural difficulties or have difficulties with their peers.

It’s a big decision for all parents, so for all those anxious parents the answers are only several hours away.

Ida Shapievsky
Loving Parent and Registered Psychologist
ida@assessmychild.com.au

Starting school or childcare is an exciting time for children but it can also be very daunting. There is a great deal of change and some children (and adults!) adapt quicker and easier than others. Not only do you have to find the right placement for your child but it is also very important to prepare your child for this new step.   There are a few things that you can do to help your child prepare. 

Firstly, prepare your child by talking about school or childcare. Tell them where it is, how long they will be there and what they can expect when they go.   Read books on starting school.  Visit the school or childcare centre.  Take a walk around the premises, through the playground and their room, and introduce them to their teacher.   Talk about the activities they will be doing, things they are going to be learning, and the new friends they will make.  It is often helpful if you already know some of your child’s friends who will be attending the same childcare or school, if not talk about the new friends they will soon be making.  Some schools hold special orientation days where students and teachers are able to meet each other.  If your school doesn’t have such an event they are often very happy to help you organise a parents gathering.  This is a great opportunity to meet other parents with children of the same age.  Getting to know some of these families before your child attends school will help your child adjust quickly, as they will be able to recognise familiar faces from day one.  Once you have made contact with parents whose children are going to be at the same school you can then arrange to meet them with their children in a local park or have them visit your home so that the children can play together and get to know each other.
 
If you don’t already have a routine it may be advisable to have one in place before your child starts school as it is not easy to start a new schedule the night before school starts.  You will also need to work out what time you will need to be up to prepare the family and get out of the house on time without too much of a rush.  It can benefit to have a few practise mornings to help prepare both you and your child.  Your rushing can increase the stress levels of your already anxious child.  A tip to remember is to do as much of your preparations the night before.  Prepare the school bag, lunches and choose the clothes to be worn, put the socks with the shoes.  Talking about shoes, does your child know how to take off and put on their own shoes?  If not they will need to practices with your help weeks in advance.  Have they worn in their new school shoes?  You do not want your child to have the discomfort of blisters as well as nerves on his/her first day.
 
Many schools and childcares will provide parents with a check list of items they require.  Go through this list making sure all items have been put into the school bag.  When preparing your child’s school bag, pack it ready to go the night before school so that you will not forget anything on that special day.  Put all items in the bag except the lunch box perishables and put the school bag on the kitchen counter ready to pack with the lunch and snacks before you leave.  Ensure that everything is clearly labelled. It is amazing how much lost property can be found at your child’s school without names on it. You spend a great deal of money preparing your child for school, so spend some time labelling all of your child’s property.  It is a good idea too, to get into the habit of checking the labels as they can wear or peel off over time.  There are often things you may like to pack into your child’s bag including a spare pare of undies, shorts and socks in case of accidents.   It is embarrassing enough when your child has an accident, without the teacher having to find spare clothes.  Your child will need to be reassured that this is something that often happens to children and it is nothing to worry about.  Encourage your child to tell a teacher.  If you show you are worried, it will make them feel that there really is something to worry about.  For children attending childcare who have a favourite toy for sleep, please include this in there bag as well as the necessary bedding. 

Good nutrition is essential for children at school.  Choose foods and snacks your child likes keeping to the healthy choices.  Try out a variety of different foods before sending them with your child to school, so that you know which ones will be eaten.  Remember, many so call healthy snacks and muslei bars are packed full of sugar and are of no real nutritional value.  Fresh vegies sticks and a simple cream cheese dip are a better choice.  There are also a variety of different lunch boxes which allow you to send your child to school with a ‘taster’ lunch – small pieces of different foods they can pick on for example; cheese, crackers, dip or fruit such as grapes.  It is important to make sure that your child can open all of the boxes and packets that you have packed for them.  Have a practise-run picnic lunch in the garden just for fun, this way you will know your child can manage things independently at school.  Remember to pack a bottle of water.  This can be frozen the night before and added to the lunch box in the morning.  A frozen bottle of water will often have time to melt before it is needed and will help keep the perishables fresh.  If your child attends a childcare that provides lunch, it is not advisable to put special food in for them as this will not encourage your child to try new foods.  If you child has a special food requirement, intolerance or allergies you will be required to fill in specific forms to inform staff.  You will also be required to have a medical plan in place which is written in conjunction with your child’s doctor.  This should be discussed well before your child’s first day.

Children attending school and child care usual come home exhausted.  You will need to prepare them for their busy day ahead of time and this includes a good 12 hours night sleep and a hearty breakfast.  You do not want your child starting school tired or running low on attention.  Twelve hours sleep at night is needed to help little brains and bodies develop and to assist their immune systems recharge.  Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and will also provide your child with the energy needed to concentrate and learn at school.  A good wholegrain cereal, toast and fruit or yogurt are all excellent choices.  Foods that are high in sugar tend to provide your child with a lot of energy for a short period of time and as a result your child is often left feeling tired and hungry before the lunch bell.
Busy little bodies burn up lots of calories and as a result most children are often ‘starving’ at the end of the day.  A healthy snack straight after school is a great idea – some children are often too excited to eat lunch!  At the end of a long day prepare a healthy snack and water which you can take with you when you pick them up after school.  A piece of fruit is perfect for this.  If they are still hungry when you get home it is prudent to have an early dinner followed by a piece of fruit if they are still hungry before bedtime.  This will prevent filling up on snacks and picking at a dinner.  Some children are so tired in the evening initially, that this routine will ensure they have a good meal before going to bed.  Give your child an early night before childcare or school starts.
  
Some children are very anxious about starting school.  If your child is worried about starting school, ask them about their fears and what will help, for example; who would they like to take them to school?  Where do you want to say goodbye?  Where will you pick them up from?  What would they like to do after school?  If your child feels they have some sort of control over what happens, it can help with fears.  Some children worry about you!  Tell them what you will be doing while they are at school.  Let your child know that you believe in them and know that they can manage school and that you can help them.  Be flexible in the early days of school.  Some children can be tired and grumpy until they settle in.  If your child is really upset, if you are worried, or if there is bullying or teasing going on, talk to the teacher about it.  Children do their best at school when their parents and teachers’ have a good relationship and work together to support them.

At the end of your child’s day, they may want to tell you about everything as soon as you pick them up.  Make some time for your child at this time of day or as soon as you get home from work.  There has been a great deal of time preparing your child for this special day, they are usually excited to tell you all about it.  Some children are a little quieter.  A good idea is to listen, but don’t ask too many questions.  Children will talk when they are ready.  Bedtime is usually a good time to listen.  Use prompts to help you understand their day eg ‘What did you learn today?’ ‘Who did you play with?’  A story about school can also help as it will start a conversation with your child.

Every child and family is different.  A new routine takes time for everyone to get used to.  Allow your family some time and talk to other families experiencing the same things as you.  Remember to take some time and enjoy these special times with your child.

Article by Lee Madigan primary school teacher and mother

For more information on similar parenting topics you may like take a look at our e-books Publications on this link.

Disclaimer: Article on our website are for education purposes only.  Please consult with your doctor to make sure this information is right for your child.

All articles on this website have a copyright any use of any material must have permission from Cradle 2 Kindy Parenting Solutions.

Some years ago, on meeting my 2 daughters, a friend said “You’re so lucky, you’re girls are lovely.  They are so friendly and polite.”  I said “Thank you” feeling the pride and joy that goes with such a moment.  

Later, on reflection however, I thought to myself, “What did luck have to do with it?”   I’m not lucky, it was hard work and I made a lot of sacrifices.  

Bringing up children with manners, a high level of communication skills, understanding of the feelings of others, together with love of learning didn’t just happen.  Bringing up my children had been hard work, and I made a lot of sacrifices to stay home with them in those critical years of their cognitive (mental) development, especially with a largely absent husband/father figure.  Fortunately, I loved it.  They were the best years of my life and I have very fond memories of those times.

Recently, my life has been in a time warp since I learned that I am to become a grandmother; my baby is having a baby.  My baby, by the way is 31, is happily married, and together with my son-in-law will be fabulous parents I have no doubt.   But for me to watch my daughter in her pregnancy has brought back a lot of the emotions and memories of me carrying her over 30 years ago.  We talk often of the joys and issues around motherhood and it has been a wonderful time for me.  I’ve also gained heightened awareness of other babies.

As I watched a mother and baby on the train the other day I remembered just how much work a 1 year old is.  In a 20 minute train ride, the child got out of the stroller, back in the stroller, took off her shoes, sang a song with mum, had a drink, took off the jacket, put the jacket back on, threw the shoe, got back into the stroller, tried very hard to clip the safety catch, back out of the stroller, climb on the seat and look out the window, bounce up and down looking out the window.   Suddenly, it went dark outside, the child look at mum with surprise .... mum said “tunnel”, the child’s face softened (all is well), the child then repeated “tunnel”.    All the time mum was patiently watching and attending to the clues that often only a mother recognises.   The child was confident, inquisitive and curious about everything new, and she knew that mum was near and she was safe to explore.  
The child’s mother was patient and observant, vigilant and responsive to the child’s needs and safety in the environment of a moving train, keeping her entertained and happy during the boring train ride.   The wave of memories of me doing exactly the same things with my babies was like a warm blanket.  

This child was bright, energetic, gorgeous and happy... just as she should be;  just as my girls had been all those years ago.  I feel so blessed and grateful that I was able to spend those critical years 0-5, at home, helping my girls to learn, investigate and grow in an environment where they knew they were safe.   

If you’re fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mum, count your blessings and be thankful.  I’m sure all the mums out there will agree with me.  It takes time, patience and energy to make it look easy, and to have the perfect child.    
 
Reflecting on Motherhood by Elizabeth Carter, Registered Psychologist. Bravo Coommunication www.bravocommunication.com.au 1300 85 95 83

For more information on similar parenting topics you may like take a look at our e-books Publications on this link.

Disclaimer: Article on our website are for education purposes only.  Please consult with your doctor to make sure this information is right for your child.

All articles on this website have a copyright any use of any material must have permission from Cradle 2 Kindy Parenting Solutions.

Preparing your child for the first day of childcare or school can be a daunting task physically, financially and emotionally.  If you are preparing for school you may possibly need a whole new wardrobe of school clothes, shoes, a hat and school bag which will be filled with pencils, books, a lunch box and drink bottle.   For childcare you will need similar items which of course all need to be labelled including spare cloths, undies or nappies and possibly bedding if your child is sleeping during their stay.  If it is a young baby you will also need a supply of bottles with either expressed milk or formula.  Not only do you have to be prepared with all these requirements but you will also need to prepare yourselves as parents and your child for the emotional changes you will face.
 
Your child needs you to be calm and confident.  To give them the confidence that this is ok and this is a normal part of growing up.  It is better for your child if you do not show any fear or anxiety.  If you are portraying any hesitation about them starting school or being away from you your child will pick these up and also become fearful and anxious.  This is not a good start.   This will also include when you drop your child off.  Be positive.   Walk confidently as you enter the premises.   You may like to stay awhile with your child till he/she finds a friend or carer or introduce them to another child of a similar age so that they can help each other adjust to their new environment.
  
If possible prepare your child in advance by visiting the childcare or school, take a walk around the premises, through the playground and their room, and introduce them to their teacher.   Talk about the things they will be going to do, things they may be learning, and the new friends they will make.  It is often helpful if you already know some of your child’s friends who will be attending the same childcare or school, if not talk about the new friends they will soon be making.
 
A good way to do this is to meet other parents and have them visit your home or join them in a local park for play with their child. Schools are often very happy to help you organise a parents gathering.

If your child is going to school they will need plenty of sleep to be alert in the classroom.  A child should be having 12 hours sleep at night to help their little brains and bodies develop and to assist their immune systems recharge.  Remember they will be very tired after their big day at childcare or school.  They will also have burned up lots of calories and will probably be hungry therefore have healthy snacks and a fresh drink with you when you pick them up after school or have an early dinner and a piece of fruit before an early bed.

It is not always easy to arrange your new schedule.  You may need to be up earlier than usual to prepare the family and get out of the house on time without too much of a rush.    Prepare as much as you can the night before.  Lay out the clothes that need to be worn, put the socks with the shoes.  Shoes should have been worn in before wearing them to childcare or school otherwise your child may have to contend with the discomfort of blisters as well as nerves on his/her first day.
 
Pack the school bag with all items bar the perishables and put the bag on the kitchen counter ready to pack with the lunch and snacks before you leave.  For school goers, it might be wise to pack a spare pare of undies and socks in case of accidents.  Go through the childcare or school check list making sure all items have been put into the bag.   Give your child an early night before childcare or school starts.

Mums, if this is the first time you and your child have had a day apart you may find that you have separation anxiety.  This is quite normal.   If you are a single child family and a stay at home mum you may have to prepare yourself for a quiet home or you may be looking forward to returning to full or part time work this can help you to keep your mind of the fact that your little one is no longer around.   It may help if you talk things over with your partner an understanding friend or family member.
 
For those who have little ones still at home you may need to plan their sleeps around the drop offs and pickups.   Younger siblings often learn to sleep to and from school in the car or pram.   It is not always easy for mums to find someone to babysit sleeping younger siblings but once you get to know other parents whose children attend the same school you may be able to share these trips.
  
With children at childcare or school you will have time to enjoy more one-on-one time with those still at home but remember to give lots of attention to your childcare or school child when they arrive home as they may feel left out and in need of extra reassurance and attention.

Allow time at the end of each day to chat about what happened, you will learn the most on the way home from childcare or school so a chat about the day yours and theirs, in the car or walking should be daily routine. There may be lots of questions that you cannot answer. Don’t be afraid to ask their teacher.  Have a children’s dictionary and atlas close at hand - you will find these a valuable source of information to help answer some of their new questions. Home-work can start early in some schools but if not you should be reading daily to them already.  They can soon start to help read the books you enjoy before bed.  With an older child who may return with home work, try not to do it for them.  Their school work is for them to learn not to show how great an artist their mum is or how wiz bang dad is on computer layouts. They will also be full of new knowledge, be interested and share what you know too.

The first day at childcare or school is an exciting time and a milestone to remember.  Photos are a great way to remember this memorable day.   Your little one is growing up, the apron strings are being stretched.

This article was written by mothercraft nurse Sally Hall from Cradle 2 Kindy Parenting Solutions.  If you would like more information on similar parenting topics please go to our Articles page.

For more information on similar parenting topics you may like take a look at our e-books Publications on this link.
All articles on this website have a copyright any use of any material must have permission from Cradle 2 Kindy Parenting Solutions.

Parenting Challenges

Emily Perl Kingsley wrote the short article Welcome to Holland in 1987 (www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html).  It describes her experience of having a baby.  The preparation period is compared with years of planning for a wonderful trip to Italy: reading the guide books; learning some of the language; imagining oneself at the sites there. The actual arrival of the baby and the years that follow is then described as landing in Holland.  

It is not that there is anything wrong with Holland.  The point is that it was not what was expected.  There’s a sense of disorientation; a need to get up to speed in a new reality.  And sometimes maybe a yearning for Italy – that image of what one imagined it would be like.

For some, motherhood is everything that one imagined it might be.  But for others, becoming a mother is very different to what they expected.  Emily Perl Kingsley says we get on with things and eventually learn to enjoy the wonderful things that Holland has to offer.  But that process can take time.  

Emily Perl Kingsley was writing about her experience with her son, Jason, born in 1974 with Down Syndrome.  The article has been reproduced countless times and translated into many languages.  Because?  Because it speaks of a reality for many, many mothers, perhaps.  

Whether the baby has a “special needs” label or not, it doesn’t alter the fact that some babies require a greater level of management than others.  A baby might be a fussy eater, temperamental sleeper, hypersensitive to stimuli, reactive to changes in routine and liable to “winge” and cry.  All babies are exhausting at times: such a baby is especially exhausting and requires greater input from Mum and Dad to help him/her negotiate the ordinary dramas of everyday life.

All babies give joy back to their parents.  But the smiley, cuddly, good eater and sleeper’s gifts back to the mother are more readily felt and more immediately nourishing.  The more aloof or fussy baby gives too, but sometimes Mum must learn a different language in order to receive these gifts.

If there is a special-needs label then there maybe support and sympathy directed towards you.  However, if there is no obvious cause to the apparent neediness of the baby, then there may be suspicion and judgment coming your way, shaking an already crumbling confidence.  In response, mothers can start to look for a diagnosis in the misconception that that might release them from blame.

I don’t mean to suggest that having a fussy baby equates to the challenges of a lifetime ahead with a child with a major disability. What I do want to do is to connect to the vein that the piece Welcome to Holland tapped into: in those first few months, or first few years, having a baby that you find extremely challenging (with or without a diagnosable disability) can feel like being in Holland, when your friends are in Italy.

The question: ‘Is there something wrong with my baby?’ is natural and, needs to be explored.  And the path to the answer might take you down many blind alleys.  But there is another important question sometimes forgotten: How do Mum and Dad respond to this demanding situation?  Do the parents have the confidence, support, energy and time to meet this challenge?  More often, Mum, for example, engages in self-criticism and self-doubt and becomes stressed and isolated.  Dad might respond to Mum’s heightened stress by withdrawing into himself, or into work, or shift his attention to the other children.  And so begins the possible reinforcement cycle, where the needy baby creates the stressed and strained parents, which potentially contributes to the baby’s neediness.

A family unit straining under the particular demands of a baby or child for a prolonged period can benefit from external help.  External help might take the form of extended family giving Mum and Dad a break and the opportunity to support each other; or additional domestic services to help in the home; or guidance on establishing routines and managing the baby.  Sometimes such practical support alone is not sufficient.  Sometimes the family, or Mum in particular, needs to be able to talk through the emotions evoked by the struggle, to have a place to discharge these emotions, and to begin to look at herself, her child and the situation in a new way.  Such emotional support can give Mum, and the family, more energy and enthusiasm to meet life’s challenges… and to find more enjoyment in Holland.

Sharon Murphy, Counsellor
mobile: 0425 244 492
Providing the option of consultations in your home
www.counselling-therapy-mediation.com.au

Disclaimer: Article on our website are for education purposes only.  Please consult with your doctor to make sure this information is right for your child.

For more information on similar parenting topics you may like take a look at our e-books Publications on this link.

All articles on this website have a copyright any use of any material must have permission from Cradle 2 Kindy Parenting Solutions.

When I reminisce on my introduction to fatherhood, it’s all about the waterworks, the tears I shed. Nothing prepares you properly for fatherhood. It’s an overwhelming and altogether unexpected experience no matter how much research you may do beforehand.
I cried with nervous apprehension when my wife was taken to an operating theatre for an emergency caesarean section, after she had bravely battled in labour for more than half a day. My tears were transformed into rivers of joy when I saw my son for the first time. On reflection, it was surprising that I didn’t shed tears of horror at the sight of that cone-headed alien recently rescued from my wife’s womb.

Tears of frustration flowed when he cried and I possessed neither the equipment nor the skills to pacify him. More tears followed, this time of exasperation when we brought him home and I thought I knew what I was doing, but nothing I did would quiet my son’s anguished wails. I have never felt so helpless. When one so truly and totally dependent on me as my little boy cried, I was defeated. I had nothing in my armoury save tears of failure.

Even though I didn’t know why he was crying and he most certainly was not even aware of my distress, those tears were also shared: two males of the human species bonding through weeping.

Other tears flowed. The ones of disgust when my little man filled not only his nappy but also the rocker with putrid  dark brown semi-solid waste. My wife and I were eventually able to laugh about that. I reckon I laughed so hard I cried.

There were more tears of laughter when I found him asleep in a corner, sitting bolt upright with his head back, mouth open and hand still gripping a cracker.

And in the fullness of time, I returned to the tears of joy I had shed when he arrived into my world, as I waved him off on his first day at a new world called school. Those tears were a strange cocktail of pride and anxiety. It was the beginning of letting go and I considered that worth a good sob as well.

I’m learning fatherhood as I go. That little screaming creature is now as tall as I am and much better looking than he was then. More challenges await and no doubt more tears, of every variety, will also come. I’m not ready but I’ll be okay as long as I don’t drown in all my tears.

D. A. Cairns is married with two children and lives on the south coast of New South Wales in Australia where he works as an English language teacher and writes stories in his very limited spare time. He has had seven short stories published. Devolution is the name of his recently released first novel.

dac007@netspace.net.au
www.eloquentbooks.com/devolution.html
www.myspace.com/dacairns

Disclaimer: Article on our website are for education purposes only.  Please consult with your doctor to make sure this information is right for your child.

For more information on similar parenting topics you may like take a look at our e-books Publications on this link.

All articles on this website have a copyright any use of any material must have permission from Cradle 2 Kindy Parenting Solutions.

Six steps to help you simplify the daunting and sometimes overwhelming tasks involved in being a mother Lisa Walsh, a psychology coach and mother gives us the second 3 steps of 6 steps to help you simplify the daunting and sometimes overwhelming tasks involved in being a mother. 

In our last newsletter Lisa covered the topics:
Simplify the cleaning
Simplify the troops
Simplify the kitchen

Lisa now looks at:

Simplify the Paperwork

Do you have a mountain of paperwork which consists of unopened letters, bills, thank you cards half written, receipts, fliers for events that you know you will never attend, old information about things that no longer even interest you, junk mail?  The list goes on, well mine does anyway.  Set some time aside, whilst the baby is napping or whilst watching telly in the evening and ruthlessly throw out the paperwork you no longer need.  Organise a workspace which can handle incoming mail and paperwork in a no nonsense manner, preferably beside the recycling bin!

Simplify your relationship

Having children is undoubtedly one of the most rewarding experiences we can have, but it can also put a huge strain on relationships.  Your other half may share the burdens that are inevitably involved in parenthood, but all too often women are the primary carers and thus we can be left feeling alone and unappreciated.  Don’t let things fester, if your partner does something that upsets or annoys you, don’t leave it until you are having a row to bring something up that happened weeks ago.  One night a week endeavour to have a date night whether that means getting a takeaway and a DVD or getting a babysitter and going out ensure that you regularly make time to nurture yourselves as a couple.  One night a week turn off the television and play a board game or do a puzzle together.  It may sound nerdy, but give it a go and you may surprise yourself and really enjoy it.

Simplify yourself

All too often women can lose their identity once children are on the scene. Honour yourself and the amazing person you are. Take time out for yourself, whether that means having a luxurious bath, going for a walk or having a coffee with a friend. It is important that you have your own time.  Try and keep active, as we all know the myriad of health benefits associated with an active lifestyle.  Not only can being active help us feel better, it also enables us to keep the blues away.  Moderate and regular exercise has shown to be as effective as antidepressants in helping buffer the effects of mild depression.  If you are feeling low, talk to someone you trust or confide in your doctor.  If you have decided to take a career break then enjoy it and don’t feel guilty or resentful about missed career opportunities.  A great way of staying up to date with advances in your profession is to keep up memberships to professional associations, join a networking group or enrol in a short course to keep your skills honed.

Lisa Walsh lives on the Northern Beaches and is a psychology coach and mother of one, with a second on the way.  She can be contacted on 0405 933328 for coaching appointments.

Disclaimer: Article on our website are for education purposes only.  Please consult with your doctor to make sure this information is right for your child.

For more information on similar parenting topics you may like take a look at our e-books Publications on this link.

All articles on this website have a copyright any use of any material must have permission from Cradle 2 Kindy Parenting Solutions.

Lisa Walsh, a psychology coach and mother gives us the first 3 of 6 steps to help you simplify the daunting and sometimes overwhelming tasks involved in being a mother

Simplify the cleaning

Housework and mounting washing piles can get to the best of us. If you have the never ending task of keeping on top of the housework, you can try to simplify it by following a timetable.  Each day dedicate a set amount of time to each room in the house and by the end of the week your home will be clean without having to do a big weekly clean which can take up a huge chunk of time.  If washing and ironing gets you down then try to delegate it to your partner or outsource it.  As Jack Canfield says ‘concentrate on what you are good at and pay others to do what they are good at.  If you are not in paid work and are at home with the children don’t feel that you can’t ask your partner for help. He is more than capable of running the vacuum cleaner round or sorting out the recycling.

Simplify the troops

Whether you have one or more children, organising them and their growing number of activities can be overwhelming.  Depending on the age of your child or children it is important to have a routine that works for you and them.  Shared organisation is the key and ensures that you and your partner know what needs to be done when.  Plan a short daily activity that the troops will enjoy; whether that involves going to the park, baking cookies, painting, swimming, reading at the library, the activity itself is not of the utmost importance it is the fact that you are fully engaged with your children at least once a day.

Simplify the kitchen

The kitchen is the hub of most households.  As you wander aimlessly around Coles for the third time in a week consider how your time could be better spent.  Do a weekly menu list together and book groceries online through www.onlyoz.com.au .  You can even get fresh produce delivered from www.farmersdirect.com at a reasonable price.  If you don’t already have one, invest in a slowcooker and throw all the ingredients in before leaving the house in the morning and know that dinner is simmering away whilst you are out and about.  Organise the cupboards and ensure that everything you need is close to hand.

Lisa will have more for you in our July - August 2009 newsletter.

Lisa Walsh lives on the Northern Beaches and is a psychology coach and mother of one, with a second on the way.  She can be contacted on 0405 933 328 for coaching appointments.

Disclaimer: Article on our website are for education purposes only.  Please consult with your doctor to make sure this information is right for your child.

For more information on similar parenting topics you may like take a look at our e-books Publications on this link.

All articles on this website have a copyright any use of any material must have permission from Cradle 2 Kindy Parenting Solutions.

When my wife told me she was pregnant I was excited, yet no where the same enthusiasm as provided by my wife.

Why?  Possibly because it was not my body and hormones changing, possibly because I had no inner connection and possibly because I was more involved and connected in my Business/Corporate life.  As I spoke to a lot of my male friends, many never attended the ultrasound sessions or were interested in attending birthing classes; their responses were “that is left for the woman” or “I’m too busy”, and many of those that did attend were rather blasé in the ultrasound and birthing class experience.

So what changed my enthusiasm to become so passionately involved, caring and participating in the whole life experience?

My wife and I had our 12 and 20 week ultrasound (mind you I only went to the 12 week ultrasound), and Kylie; my wife decided she would like to experience a 3D Ultrasound to see who the baby looked most like.  Kylie was at 28 weeks into her pregnancy, within a minute of starting the ultrasound the ultrasound technician found a major heart abnormality.  That afternoon we were provide four options -

1. Terminate now
2. Baby will probably not live to full term
3. If the baby does live, it may probably need ongoing life support
4. Hope

I chose termination, my wife chose hope………..as soon as my wife made that decision of hope; I committed to supporting her 100%.  I became involved, in her and our life.  I no longer became a spectator in life, at 42 years of age I started participating again.  How many of us men are sitting on the sidelines of life.  As a kid we men were “super heroes, we had large visions and dreams, we were invincible”.  How many men have given up hope?

From the ages of 35 to 50 is the highest suicide rate for men in the Western world.  In that age group we actually outperform the death rate of all motor vehicle accident fatalities.

My wife saw far more in me than I had allowed myself to see.  Simply take one step, just as a baby learns to walk it all starts with simple step.  Look at your baby or child – you created that simplicity of beauty, you were a part of a miracle – only a “super hero” has the ability to be a miracle maker.

So today we have a four and half year old son, a miracle – healthy, vibrant, precocious – he gets to call me dad, more importantly I get to call him son.  Take one small step, one small feat to get active in life today.  Be a solution, a foundation for you first and your family will benefit.

Are there days where the world is heavy, yes – yet I continue to participate.  From my wife’s positive action to choose hope – I got to write a book called A Son’s Gift  ; I got to connect with so many inspirational, talented, motivated and passionate people (many of them women) and created One 2 One Conversations – take a step be that super hero – live your life as if every breath is your first and last.

Being involved – some days and moments will feel as though it is your last breath, what slowly occurs is that each breath will start to feel as your first of a whole new adventure in life. 

If you would like to buy Peter’s book A Son’s Gift follow this link.

Disclaimer: Article on our website are for education purposes only.  Please consult with your doctor to make sure this information is right for your child.

For more information on similar parenting topics you may like take a look at our e-books Publications on this link.

All articles on this website have a copyright any use of any material must have permission from Cradle 2 Kindy Parenting Solutions.