Articles

Boundaries, Discipline and Punishment

Setting boundaries and disciplining your child is the beginning of social edict.  We are marking out the boundaries that our society expects ie -  What is accepted as good behaviour and what is not acceptable.  The boundaries you set at a young age will last your child for life; alternatively the lack of social skills you instill within your children will often be the bench mark that leads them into adulthood.  We have all seen unacceptable behaviour in adults, this invariably stems from a lack of discipline or boundaries set during toddler hood.  Our ultimate goal as parents is to encourage self control and to help our children to understand and manage their own behaviour.

As parents we are responsible for teaching our children socially acceptable behaviour and self-control.  This is accomplished through appropriate and consistent discipline and boundary setting.  Our children then learns about consequences and taking responsibility for their own actions.  The discipline or punishment we deal out will more than likely set the standard for their actions and reactions later in life.

What is discipline?

Firstly let’s have a look at what discipline in not – discipline is not physical punishment – hitting, or smacking or verbal abuse such as yelling or threatening a child. 

So what is discipline?  Discipline is discouraging bad behaviour and encouraging good behaviour by using rational and positive action. 

Results from physical punishment

Parents are role models for their children thus the importance of positive parenting.  What children see you do they will copy.  They see your actions as approved of and therefore is the correct thing for them to do also.  Inflicting pain to stop a child from behaving badly only teaches them violence is OK.  For example if you smack a child for doing something wrong and they see their younger sibling doing something they perceive as being wrong, they will believe they are doing the right thing to correct their sibling with a smack.  This is why it is very important that we lead by example.

Physical punishment may also cause problems such as:

• Psychological or physical injury
• Undermining a child’s sense of justice, trust and fairness.
• They may turn to lying to avoid physical punishment.
• They may become fearful or withdrawn
• They may become aggressive or develop bullying behaviour
• It may damage the parent-child relationship
• It may do irrefutable damage to a child’s self-esteem, self-respect and dignity.
• You have also let slip an opportunity to teach your child self-control and responsibility. Some of these may become long term problems affecting their adult lives.

Alternatives to physical punishment

Once we have established that physical punishment is wrong, what else is there?  Firstly we need to understand that it is in their nature for children to please parents, to do the right thing.  Children are seeking approval and love, therefore one of the easiest ways to encourage good behaviour is to recognise, acknowledge and praise good behaviour. 

This shows them what is expected from them.  By reinforcing and giving attention to good behaviour your child will be less likely to seek your attention through bad behaviour. 

Secondly children are to understand that bad or unacceptable behaviour is not tolerated and that there are consequences to their actions.  If a child is aloud to get away with unacceptable behaviour it is like saying you approve of their behaviour.  Therefore unacceptable behaviour is to be corrected.   How does one correct unacceptable behaviour?

Strategies to discipline

Discipline is part of learning about the consequences of your actions.   With young children the consequences need to follow as soon as possible after the action and should be relevant to the behaviour.  These may include:

• Distracting the child
• Removing the object
• Isolating the offending child from the group.
• Taking ‘Time out’ – spending time alone to reflect on their behaviour and regain their composure before returning to the group.

Part 2 'Time - quality time and time out '  will be continued in our next newsletter....

If you would like more information on this and other similar topics our E-books are packed full of practical parenting tips.  Down load an E-Book specifically related to your child's age group through Publications at Our Shop.

I have fond memories of growing up with my family cat ‘KG’ - a black and white moggy who used to sleep on my bed with my favourite teddies and dolls. When I was about six, I remember being thrilled when KG chose my bed to sleep on, over and above every other place in the house. It made me believe that I must be his best friend.
 
Cats can make great first pets for kids and in some ways they are much easier than dogs as they are nowhere near as demanding on attention and time… (for a start, they sleep for around 18 hours every day!). 

Cats are irresistible to children

Kids of course find cats irrisistible they are small, cute and very cuddly but cats can cause also nasty injuries by biting and scratching if they are not handled correctly. There are just a few golden rules to apply to ensure a happy relationship between feline and child

It’s really important that children learn that cats are not toys, but are living beings that feel pain just like us. For this reason, I recommend that kids under the age of six are not allowed to pick up puss as they really are too young to understand what is comfortable and safe for a cat. Young children just don’t have a grasp of when a cat is likely to lash out and bite.

Older kids should only be allowed to pick up puss under supervision. Sit them down on the floor (at cat level) to pat or play. Tell children that if the cat struggles at all, let it go instead of trying to force it to do something it doesn’t want to.

Playtime

Playtime is perfect for teaching children to bond with their feline friends. It helps to give them a greater understanding of a cat’s instincts and body language. Avoid games that encourage puss to chase or pounce on little fingers. Cats love to play with boxes, paper bags and ping pong balls – (and the great thing about these toys is that they’re cheap too)!

Responsibilities and duties

Involve kids in everyday care of the family cat. Younger ones can help fill the water bowl and older kids can take care of brushing or changing the litter tray duties. Lessons in basic pet hygiene can be learnt here. Remind your children to always wash their hands after handling the cat. This is particularly important after helping out with the litter tray.

Encourage the whole family to come on trips to the vet. This teaches children about animal health and the responsibility of caring for kitty. It also allows kids to understand the role of the veterinarian in pet health (just like the doctor is for us!).

Trim your cat’s claws so they are less likely to do damage should a scratch occur. Your vet can help you out or show you how, but if you have a particularly ‘laid back’ cat, you can cut them yourself. With puss secured comfortably, pick up a foot and lift it towards you. By squeezing the toe between your thumb and forefinger, you can extend the nail and trim it, using small guillotine clippers. I also find human toe nail clippers easy to use. The most important thing is to avoid the pink blood vessel that runs inside the nail. If you cant see this, then seek advice from your vet before attempting a trim.

Make sure that puss has somewhere safe and private to retreat to at all times. She should have a bed, litter tray and food and water bowls in an area that is off limits to the kids. Use a baby gate if necessary to keep toddlers away from this ‘save haven’ Teach kid’s to respect your cats privacy and to only interact with puss when he/she she comes to them, not the other way around.

For more information on pets please go to Dr Warrens website www.drkatrina.com

If you would like more information on this and other similar topics our E-books are packed full of practical parenting tips.  Down load an E-Book specifically related to your child's age group through Publications at Our Shop.

How Cradle 2 Kindy Can Help

Find out how Cradle 2 Kindy can provide professional guidance on a variety of behavioural issues in children including sibling rivalry by calling 1300 786 101

Also see: What happens at a Coaching session?
See all other Parenting Articles from our Archives